yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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