So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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