He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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