I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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