Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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