Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
