She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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