I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
