he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
