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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Mom said you looked used
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
