If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
