he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
