If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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