So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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