How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
