There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize