Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
