Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
