And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
