the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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