someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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