That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
