omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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