So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
