laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
