i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
