my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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