chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
