and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
