no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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