I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
