I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
