I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
