While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
