She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she told me i tasted like america
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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