also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Success! We fucked roommates!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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