she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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