Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
