I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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