Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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