after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
