It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
