My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
