hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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