I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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