I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
sarcasm needs its own font
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
