your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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