I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
