glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
