I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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