My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
