Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize