If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
