I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
