All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
