The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
