I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize