sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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