i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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