i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm having to shit out rocks
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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