I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The air was thick with penises
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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