Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
