No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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